Cut and Paste Poetry

Every now and then I feel like indulging in some creative writing, to challenge myself and see if I can still do it. This is an experiment. The mission: to create coherent verse entirely from cut-and-paste excerpts out of emails on a message board. Rules are that I could change nothing, not even capitalization, only line breaks could be used to change meaning/context. When flipping through places and subject matter, this particular board struck a chord because of the relentless attempts of the participants to find a way to make impossibly flawed relationships work. When I stumbled across it, I alternated between respecting their strength and just wanting to shake them and say "wake up!!!" This is what I want them to say, sliced and sutured from the words they actually used. The result's not going to win any awards, but it was fun.

I have
discovered
what you don't know
hurts
you.

when confronted
He said
I have to confess
lying
hiding
denying
but I
never
cheated on
you
never talked to anyone
no
sexual things
just viewed free sample porn
everyone gets these
really

He said
he wants to start therapy
some personal recovery work
it doesn't take a brain surgeon
to know the truth

Trying to play the victim
he knows the language
you don't get the whole story
just
so many reflections
pieces
But his
meaning
translates
to this:
he is
Scared
I
might check
emails
find out about another affair
that
he is "acting out"
many different women
high-risk,
infidelity
unfaithful
extra-marital
him and my Best Friend
his secretary
it has been going on all this time.
I paid for her pretty lingerie

pain
is a permanent condition
a progressive decline
constantly and consistently.
the harsh lens of self-judgment
someone I don't want to be
beyond repair
i should be skinny
Beautiful
easier to talk to
I am not enough
I am not enough
I am not enough

meanwhile
he cried and begged me to let him stay
try to work things out.
He said he loved me

almost
fooled again
grappling for a foothold
dropped into the abyss
raw with emotion
Trust
becomes
ignorance
hiding
a way of life

but then
he said
how can I blame him?
he didn't do it because he wanted to
it's my fault
I am too
strong
much smarter than he,
He was
feeling resentful
I betrayed him and myself
by invading his privacy
asking
questions
equals
passive-aggressive
manipulation
and he
can't handle this situation
having a very hard time at work
Things are very rocky right now
I can't blame it on him
the real problem is
You

the voices in my head
screaming
What happened to me?
I realize
I was wrong
I am
a smart person
a tower of strength
beautiful
kind
I don't "need" you.
I will
never apologize nor cover up for you
again
I
take responsibility
this life
is now my choice
I do not have to prove myself
to you
I'm gone