Just for Pete

By request, I'm blogging on a book I've not read, but I think I'm going to have to: America (The Book) by (among others) the Daily Show's John Stewart. A co-worker of mine, Pete, got it from his sister and spent half the night up cackling maniacally over it. Apparently wife Sharon thinks he's gone straight off the deep end. But you read it, and it is good. Very good. It's done textbook style, down to the "This Book the Property of" stamp inside the front cover.

It starts off with a foreward by Thomas Jefferson:

" . . . . Yes, we were very accomplished. We discovered electricity, invented stoves, bifocals, the lazy susan . . . But in the 18th century it was nearly impossible not to invent something. "What if we put this refuse in a receptacle?" "Oh my God you just invented a sanitation system!" We lived in primitive times. Hell, I shit in a bucket and I was the president. . . ."

Goes on to briefly outline world history up to the founding of the country:

"1300 BC - God gives Ten Commandments to Israelites, making them his Chosen People and granting them eternal protection under Divine Law. Nothing bad ever happens to Jews again."

The textbook goes on to describe the revolution and founding of the nation, paying attention to some more minor trivia about the presidents and our founding fathers, and even minor political positions:

"Thomas Jefferson . . .
Reason why Unelectable: 'Ms. Hemings? Connie Chung on line one.'"

"Presidential Nicknames: 'Tricky Dick' Richard Nixon: Richard Nixon was regarded as an agile and 'tricky' political opponent. Also, he was a dick."

"Secretary of Transportation. Driven a car before? Seen an airplane? Hispanic? Good - put on this tie."

It explains the branches of government, and the difference between the house and the senate:

" . . . the more deliberative Senate would be comprised of two men from each state, regardless of size or population. Its members would be richer, better groomed, smarter. . . their wives hotter. . . . "

It outlines the Supreme Court and provides brief synopses of important court cases:

"Marbury v. Madison (1803) Established the principle of "judicial review" - that the Supreme Court has the power to declare laws unconstitutional. Before that, the Court only had the power to check laws for spelling and punctuation."

"Bush v. Gore (2000) The Court votes 5-4 to stop the recount in the disputed Florida election, effectively handing George W. Bush the presidency. In a remarkable coincidence, each justices' decision aligns exactly with his or her party affiliation - an accidental synchronicity a lonely, unemployed Al Gore muses on each and every evening as he cries himself to sleep."

It eventually runs up to the present day where it describes advances in the media:

"The town crier's call of 'Hear ye! Hear ye!' was the colonial equivalent of today's 'Fox News Alert,' only without a shrieking metallic sound effect akin to fingernails scratching a chalkboard in hell."

in politics:

"The United States will not remain the globe's lone superpower because we simply aren't fucking at a rate commensurate with the world's emerging nations. Sooner or later, someone's going to be richer and more powerful. China's a good bet - though don't rule out India. They're scrappy, they already have nukes and according to one recent study, every single Indian citizen is a computer genius who has already taken your job in programming."

and comparisons with other countries:

"Well, the loose collection of social democracies making up western Europe are not going to take it anymore. They've banded together to form a powerful coalition - the European Union - that will once again propel Europe to its rightful place amongst the world's most powerful. . . just as soon as they all adopt the same currency . . . and sign their constitution. . . and ratify their trade agreements. Wait, where's Belgium going? . . . We wanted to show you the new logo. . ."

Okay, Pete. You win. You're sane. Happy now?

Now let me borrow it when you're done.