Just Babbling

I learned to use the snowblower last night, and fully intended to plow myself out this morning. Then I realized that even if I got my part of the road cleared, there is still a good half mile between me and the nearest highway, and it's not gonna get plowed out until all the major roads are clear. D'oh. At least I can work from home. And without the commute, it's far more efficient. It actually gives me time to watch the morning news. I turn on KCRG. It's basically the weather report reiterated from thirty different angles. The highway patrol, the snowplow drivers, the neighbors, the schools, they all apparently agree the weather's crap and we should stay the hell home. No kidding? I flipped it off when the news flash about a woman losing her purse in the mall came on.

I fire up the computer and started my morning paper/blog troll early. Pretty much status quo, for Iowa. The fake rainforest in Coralville is still homeless, and despite the glaring inability to get intelligent investors to sink their money into this particular pit, somehow people still believe the project is viable. Go figure. Meanwhile, the homosexual community in Iowa has decided Vermont is too far away to properly coordinate wedding plans, so they'd like to hold their ceremonies here.

This has to be the coffee-snorting headline highlight so far: Superman's Penis Is Too Big For The Cinema. I can see where this would be a crisis of. . . um . . . critical proportions? I think I can speak for women across the country (and approximately one-tenth of the male population, the last I heard) when I say, "Let me be the judge of that."

Oh, and there's this special report:

Environmentalists in Brazil have released a seven-foot-long anaconda back into the wild after it swallowed a 330lbs calf. The snake was captured by police and residents, in a rural area of the city of Ipiazu after it swallowed the animal whole. Seven men were needed to transport the reptile back into the wild. Experts believe many wild animals are leaving their natural habitats and venturing into city areas due to ongoing deforestation.

And I thought I was stupid for my personal mouse catch-and-release program. What are they going to do when Nag comes slithering back into town and eats the mayor or something?

Hawkman like, so totally slams my “dickwad” comment about the Hooter’s handbook. Okay, like, it was totally a space, ya know? Oh, and I’m sooo not going to be a divorce lawyer, nor will I try this. I’m actually not sure which would be more painful.