Darwinian Isolation?

I followed a link from John Deeth's blog and found this post: Why my dad may live a lonely old age. Excerpt:

My mom and dad are almost exactly the same age, but when my parents divorced, my dad started dating younger women. As he got older, the age gap between him and his girlfriends got wider. When I was ten, he got serious with a woman in her early thirties (about 8 years younger than he); by the time I was in my late teens, his girlfriends were typically 15 or more years younger. And they were always very pretty, and petite. . . .

But he is now in his 60s, and he hasn't had a girlfriend for at least five years. He's told me stories about attempted seductions, such as the time when a woman invited him home to get high with her and then tried to get him to stay. He fled once he realized what her agenda was. (Yes, my dad tells me these kinds of stories, whether I want him to or not). The problem, he says, is that even though he can still attract women who are much younger than he is, he is old enough now that even these much younger women are too old for him. He told me that he is not attracted to the women who are attracted to him. And so, even though he'd like to have a girlfriend, and he is lonely sometimes, and hasn't had sex in a long time (something I'd honestly prefer not to know) he is alone because he doesn't find 50 year old women attractive.

The theory batted around in the New Yorker is that the "onslaught of porn is responsible for deadening male libido in relation to real women, and leading men to see fewer and fewer women as “porn-worthy.” Far from having to fend off porn-crazed young men, young women are worrying that as mere flesh and blood, they can scarcely get, let alone hold, their attention."

Hmmm.

Taking a few minutes to reflect on my single male acquaintances, I don't think the theory, as a whole, holds water. I'm seeing plenty of men in committed relationships, and dating doesn't seem to be going out of style. I admit there is some shift toward trimming pubic hair and such, which appears to have arisen from the porn industry, but centerfolds and cybersex don't hardly seem to be replacing the real thing.

EXCEPT

There is a certain subset of the male species that seems to be hung up on the idea of dating the much younger woman, or can't seem to put down the porn for the real thing. I know a few of those, and it doesn't take the Magic 8-Ball to see where they're going to end up: 60, alone, and wondering why all the 20-something babes think they're skeevy. (Clue to the clueless: because you're a dirty old man, dumbass).

Personally, I find it a rather Darwinian process. For a 40+ man to date a twentysomething involves either an extraordinarily mature woman or an extraordinarily immature man. Given that all these guys seem to date are twenty-somethings, I think we can safely assume which is which. It also goes without saying that a man who prefers the mindless porn to the complications of live sex is a bit lacking on the maturity scale. In my observation, this same immaturity compels them to forgo a long-term, meaningful relationship and the inevitable aging that entails, prefering instead either one-night-stands, cybersex, or a string of shorter committed relationships, none of which is conducive to the raising of kids. Either they choose not to be in a real relationship, or they behave so abominably (cheating, etc.) that anyone with half a brain stays the hell away from them.

By the time the lonely old age has set in, these men have either never fathered children, or have taught their kids by example not to follow in their footsteps. Thus, the immaturity is weeded out of the gene pool, or at least kept to a minimum.

Unlike some of the female commenters, I'm not so alarmed by the trend. It's not fun to find out someone you've gone out with is one of these, particularly if he's an otherwise nice guy. But once you recognize the signs, you can usually spot it early enough to preclude any real damage. The only women who should have a problem are the "but I can fix him" types, and let's face it, they are practically a DSM-IV category themselves.