AAARRRGGHH
Consider that my silent scream. A personal update:
My mom's health is deteriorating more rapidly than predicted. It's depressing, to say the least, and I cope by blatantly ignoring the situation for days, which I intersperse with 15 minute outbursts of furious anger or paralyzing pain when I flash on having to look at her in a coffin, or all the things in my life that she's never going to see, or how the h*ll we're going to explain this to Michael and Daniel, my two and four-year-old nephews. Only about four of those outbursts so far in the past three weeks, so I'm either doing very well or bucking for the title of "Queen of Denial." I suspect the latter.
The family is also in some serious financial difficulties, and I'm throwing credit cards right and left. At least I've got the years left to dig myself out of this hole, but I really don't want to know how deep it's going to be before it's all over. It could multiply my outbursts exponentially.
My sister wants to tie the knot with her long-term fiance while my mom is still around. She told me last week that she needs an officiant, rings, flowers and a dress - for this Saturday. Of course, I also have Metamorphoses going on this weekend, so that should be interesting. My aunt bought the dress. She's wearing my mom's old ring, which Mom hasn't worn in years. I've found the officiant and am funding the flowers and his ring. Again with the credit cards. *Sigh*. NOTE: she'll eventually pay me back, though.
We interrupt this b*tch session for an alert from the Family Emergency Broadcast System (insert appropriate annonying noise): they applied for the license on Monday or Tuesday. I just got a call from Judge Grady (Paula's husband, the one who was in Rosenstrasse and Allergist's Wife with me. He's kindly agreed to drive down from CR to do the ceremony on VERY short notice.) Anyway, if they don't pick up the license today, they can't get married Saturday because the courthouse is closed Friday. The courthouse closes in exactly one hour. I told him they had the license, but then thought: they told me when they applied for it. They never updated me when the picked it up. What if they think they have tomorrow to do so? Left a message for her on her machine. Damn machines. She's out. No cell. Oh well, not my problem. Right???????
This morning I had an email conversation with the ex. Our divorce pretrial conference is Tuesday. I've been drawing up the papers myself, to save the expense of a lawyer. I've not been able to get together the final order and other fun documents for signing because we can't sell the dang house, so I'm going to need to get the hearing continued. In theory, we could split up the debts, so our separate ways, and each get half the house proceeds when it sells. But being the one with the income in the past means I'm the primary cardholder on most of the debts, and he doesn't have enough credit available to take half our joint debts (not including my loans to my family, which I'm keeping track of and will be mine) into his own name. So we'd still be tied together with the invisible bond of joint accounts. Lovely. I need to put my brain to work to figure out a way out of this one. As soon as I find it . . .
I’m told both my grandmothers are also in and out of the hospital these days, one with emphysema and the other with congenital heart failure. I’m told the situation is grim, though not an impending emergency. I’m told this because I haven’t actually gone to Chicago to find out. Denial can be a beautiful thing. My sense of black humor wants to tell my karma secretary/guardian angel to be sure to pencil in the next medical emergency in my giant sh*t dayrunner in the sky, because it would be a shame to double or triple book these things.
Wednesday I leave to give a speech on toxic mold to about 400 defense attorneys. I've not even started my power point yet. It's due tomorrow. I’ll get to it then - we're flooded with new suits, fires to put out. I try to keep my temper when I’m told about all the horrific emotional scarring stemming from a 2 MPH rear-end collision (don’t bumper cars go faster than that?). I really do try, and it’s working so far. Note to opposing counsel: I can’t vouch for the future. Consider yourself warned.
Miscellaneous: I've had a nasty cold for the past two or three days, and it's really pissing me off. Taking Echinacea, Vitamin C, and popping cold capsules like M&M’s. I just found out I was $15 short on my Client Security Fund check earlier this year, and I've got to get it in the mail or they'll yank my license. Don't ask about the love life, the aforementioned divorce is the only thing in the works. He's having much better luck, from what I'm told. I feel like apologizing to people I meet these days, explaining that I’m not usually this absent-minded, distant, or just plain crazy. But isn’t the urge to explain your non-craziness an accepted symptom of insanity? So I refrain.
Actually, I can't think of one aspect of my life that's not entirely screwed at the moment. Is there no end to the vast sewage pile? Oh yeah. I threw a cool cast party, I'm a passable actress, and I can look fairly decorative in an evening gown: come see Metamorphoses, my sole shining example of not-f*cked-upness, before it closes this Sunday.
Metamorphoses
Our first special event show will be Metamorphoses, a modern adaptation of Ovid’s Greek myths by Chicago artist Mary Zimmerman, directed by Chris Okiishi.
Not only are these timeless stories retold with contemporary wit and classical grace, but this production promises a one-of-a-kind theatrical experience, for each of the stories, in whole or in part, is set in the brand new walk-in pool in the forthcoming Coralville Aquatic Center.
Gods and mortals will swim and drown, sea battles will be waged and lost, and more than one audience member will get splashed a bit in the process. Towels will be provided for the first two rows!
Runs September 10, 11, 12, 17, 18, 19. All shows at 8:00 pm.
Where: City of Coralville Aquatic Center, across from City Hall
Season: 2004-2005
Tickets: Call 248-1750 for ticket options
Sponsor: City Circle Acting Company
Authors: Mary Zimmerman
Director: Chris Okiishi
Premiered in New York City by The Second Stage Theatre, New York, September 2001. Artistic Director: Carole Rotheman Managing Director: Carol Fishman Executive Director: Alexander Fraser METAMORPHOSES was origionally produced by Lookingglass Theatre Company, Chicago.
OVIDS METAMORPHOSES translated by David Slavitt, Johns Hopkins University Press, 1994. Rainer Maria Rilkes Poem ORPHEUS, EURYDICE, HERMES. Translated by Stephen Mitchell, 1995 Modern Library.
(Yes, I do know things could be a lot worse, say if I lived in Afghanistan or Iraq. I'm just venting. Please excuse the raving lunatic in this corner of the blogosphere and carry on with the latest war/political/philosophical debates.)
UPDATE: Family Emergency Broadcast System signals the end of the emergency warning. She's got the license in hand.
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