Some Helpful Tips

If you're trying to avoid jury duty, do try to be a little subtle about it.

For the zoologists among us: Playing with polar bear cubs is apparently highly stressful work leading to burnout after only six months. Apparently, tarantula hiking is a far more relaxed field.

Apparently the traditional, junior-high "I Heart So-And-So" written in marker on school property is now considered the functional equivalent of an assault, but not quite as bad as a sexual assault. No word yet on the felonious level achieved if you actually carve your initials into a tree. Presumably the use of a knife would bump it into the felony-murder category.

Bouncing a check to the cops = not a good idea.

Memo to airline security: when inspecting a suitcase containing bomb parts and a water bottle, don't confiscate the water and leave the bomb. I know water bottles are the thing these days, but there's a limit. Side note to travelers: apparently you can retrieve your confiscated water bottle out of the trash and proceed onto the airplane, if you don't mind stashing it in your pants. Though this probably will get you funny looks if you're female. Hey, a ton of work went into that Fiji water.