Friday, June 09, 2006


from the Hot Chicks:
The instructions are simple. You type "(your name) needs" into Google and write down the first ten results. Some of mine were funny so I included a dozen.

On reflection, I thought this might be a viable alternative to the prognostigatory talents of the Magic Eight Ball. And with today my last day at work and the move pending, I could really use some insight into the future these days. So, I opened up Google to discover what it is I really need. Side note: I had to use "Kristin" rather than "Kris" because there's apparently some guy out there whose name is "Kris Needs," which kind of obviates the whole point of the exercise.

I found some of it good advice:
Kristin needs a family who can provide her with nurturance, consistency and love.
Kristin needs to move.
(Cue move music commonly associated with a sign from heaven.)
Kristin needs monthly prayer and financial support.
(Ed: especially that last part. No, seriously, I'll take donations. . . .)
Kristin needs a hug.
Kristin needs a job.
(Hey, I asked for advice, not a virtual nagging. I'm working on it, already.)
Kristin needs to simply relax for a few minutes.

Some of it got a little personal:
Kristin needs a good haircut to tame that wild ass hair.
Kristin needs lipgloss
Kristin needs to go to the orthodontist.

(Ed.: Hey, now.)

And even more personal:
Kristin needs to get some.
(Ed.: Like I don't know this?)

Some comments weren’t very nice:
Kristin needs to humble herself.
Kristin needs to mind her own business.
Kristin needs to be slapped.

Other ideas were just plain odd:
Kristin needs to stop dressing.
Kristin needs to stop obsessing over pubes.
(Ed.: WTF??)
Kristin needs to get in touch with her inner Creepiness.
Kristin needs a special computer just to contemplate how rich Bill Gates is.

A few offered me theater advice:
Kristin needs a shirt that says "Drama Queen."
Kristin needs to get her own show!
Kristin needs to take small, supporting roles.

But the one I really wondered about was this:
Kristin needs to wash her socks because she will need them on Sunday morning.

Is there something I should know about that fundraiser Sunday?

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