Things I've Discovered on the Internet Lately

If you ever feel the need for a poop transplant, call on Dr. Aas. If you're wondering if you're a candidate, you may want to familiarize yourself with the Bristol Stool Scale.

If you find yourself being arrested, there are a few common-sense things you want to keep in mind, like:

1. Be polite;
2. Don't make any statements without consulting counsel;
3. Ask for a lawyer right away;
4. Do not whip out your boob and spray the arresting officer with breast milk.

Thinning hair? Haemorrhoids? Cancer? Snakebite? Drink urine! (Can't you just hear the infomercial?)

Those motorcycle/bathtub collisions can be nasty.

A modern version of Swift's "A Modest Proposal"?

Even as we speak, Florida courts are grappling with the controversial "Irritable Bowel Syndrome Defense."

Vacationing on Puketutu Island? Might want to rethink that.

No matter how your cow has had to drink, don't call it a cab.

PT Barnum was right: Thousands of people have been 'fleeced' into buying neatly coiffured lambs they thought were poodles. . . . the scam was only spotted after a leading Japanese actress said her 'poodle' didn't bark and refused to eat dog food.

(PS: Yes, I'm aware Barnum didn't actually say that. But if I'd said Joseph Bessimer would you really have known what I was talking about?)

UPDATE: The sheep/dog thing is a hoax, according to ULRP. My bad.